The suit guys were organizing papers in Nick’s living room.
Nick opened a bag of chips and dumped it in a bowl. He opened the fridge and got out a 12 pack of beer.
“Is that soda?” Aislyn asked.
“Grown-up soda,” Nick replied.
“Can I have some?”
“Are you a grown up?”
Aislyn pouted.
The intercom buzzed. Nick looked at the security video, then pushed the button, “It’s open, Bri.”
He took Aislyn’s hand, “C’mon, let’s go get some toys out.”
She pulled her hand away, “No, I wanna see Uncle Rok!”
“He’s parking his car, give him a sec.”
They went down to the playroom.
Nick clapped his hands, “Okay! What are you gonna play with during the meeting?”
“Let’s go to the park!”
“No, something in here.”
“I wanna go on the slide!” Aislyn whined.
“You have a slide.”
“It’s not the same!”
“We can’t go to the park right now.”
“BUT I WANNA!” she wailed.
“Aislyn Makana Carter, I swear to”
Brian came down the stairs,
“Hey guys!” he said cheerfully.
“Uncle Rok!” Aislyn ran over and hugged his leg.
“Hey Ais, how’s our little Backstreet princess?” Brian laughed.
“Take me to the park!”
“Sorry, no can do. What happened to that tea set I got you? Wanna play with that?”
Aislyn’s eyes lit up,
“Yeah!” she started getting it set up.
“How’s it going, man?” Brian asked Nick.
He shrugged, “Fine. Yourself?”
Brian peered at him, “How much sleep have you been getting lately?”
“You my mother now?”
Brian stretched, “Oh yeah, this is gonna be a great meeting.”
“Want a beer?”
“Sure.”
“Uncle Rok!” Aislyn whined.
“But not before I have some tea,” Brian stooped down and Aislyn handed him a cup.
He pretended to drink some, “Mmm, positively superb, Miss Carter!”
Aislyn grinned.
Lauren whispered in her ear, “Go get your dollies out.”
***
“All right, our first order of business—the press,” Nick’s agent Jack said.
All eyes went on Nick. He focused on picking at his thumbnail. Without shifting his gaze, he said, “I’m not releasing a statement on Lauren.”
“Nick, I understand that you want your life to be your own, but do you know how many calls we’ve gotten about the funeral? We need something…anything. If we don’t give the press facts to feed on, they’re gonna start making shit up.”
“They do anyway. I think one magazine called Aislyn my niece.”
“It’d be easier enough to pass off,” Kevin said.
“But that’s just the thing!” Jack interrupted, “After you got married, everything became a secret. No one outside this camp even knows you have a daughter.”
“That was a conscious choice. The paparazzi are my life, not her’s.”
“It’s all going to come out eventually.”
“Not on my watch it isn’t. It’s been 5 years and the press is still clueless. I think I’m doing pretty damn well.”
“With Aislyn,” Brian pointed out. “But you can’t hide what you went through with Lauren.”
“Yeah, what are you gonna say when we go to the next awards show and she’s not with you?” AJ asked. “I’m serious. You can’t keep saying she’s sick. What are you gonna say, she dumped you?”
“Well, I don’t know, you tell me. You’ve had 3 fiancées and you’ve cheated on every one of them. What do you tell the press?”
“That’s only because my fiancées weren’t as forgiving as Lauren, so don’t put that shit on me, you fucking hypocrite.”
All eyes went back to Nick.
“It was one time and we weren’t engaged then,” Nick mumbled.
“I was at a funeral for a loved one,” Nick replied flatly.
Jack sighed and typed it on his laptop.
“We need to talk about the tour,” Kevin said.
“Thank God we’re finally finishing it,” AJ grumbled.
“We have 2 months left,” Kevin continued, “If we stay on schedule, it’ll take us to the end of July. Now this question is really directed at you…”he looked at Nick, “Are you ready to go back on tour?”
Spring 1998
“Are you sure you’re ready to go back on tour again?” Shayla asked. “You just got back from Europe.”
“I’ll be fine, Shay,” Nick spoke into his cell phone, “That’s the business. Hit the ground running.”
“The business sucks ass.”
“A lot of times the world sucks ass, but you don’t see anyone leaving it, trying to set up shop elsewhere.”
“All I’m saying is”
“I know what you’re saying and we’re not gonna have this discussion again. We’ll be fine. Now where’s this Dairy Queen we’re meeting at?”
“Off of Cranston Blvd. I’ll be there as soon as I get things wrapped up here at work.” She sounded put off.
“Aight, see ya.”
“I love you, Nick.”
“Love you too, Shay,” he slapped his phone shut and drove into the parking lot. He went inside, got a butterfinger blizzard , then sat at one of the umbrella tables outside.
“Fancy seeing you here,” he heard someone say. He turned around to see a slightly familiar face.
“Hi…” he tried to remember her name, “Lauren.”
Lauren smiled, “How’s it going, Nick?”
He sighed, “It’s going. Wanna sit?”
“Sure,” she sat across from him. “Haven’t seen you in a few months.”
“Yeah, schedule’s hectic as always.”
“How’s your girlfriend?” she asked, with a knowing smile.
“I’m never gonna live that down, am I?”
“Nope.”
“Shayla’s good. We’re supposed to be meeting here.”
“Yeah, I’m meeting some co-workers here too. We’re going clubbing.”
“You’re meeting here to go clubbing?”
“Yeah, so?”
“You couldn’t just meet at the club?”
“The club doesn’t have grape starkisses,” she replied. “Though they should,” she took a bite.
Nick laughed, “They’re that good?”
“Yeah, have a bite,” she held it across the table.
He looked hesitant at first, then took a bite. He looked thoughtful.
“Well?”
“Not bad. But it doesn’t beat the blizzard.”
“Let’s see,” she took his spoon and ate a scoop.
“Hey!” he protested.
“Fair game,” she grinned cheekily, “And I still like mine better.”
Chiara burst outside from the restaurant, “Lauren! Do NOT tell me you got the last grape starkiss!”
Lauren deliberately took a big bite.
“Bitch, you’re sleeping on the sidewalk tonight,” Chiara huffed back inside.
Lauren giggled and took another bite.
Nick raised an eyebrow, “Friend of your’s?”
“Yeah, she’s my roommate too. Chiara. Say, do you and Shayla wanna come out with us tonight? You’re more than welcome to.”
“Nah, I think we just need a night to chill.”
“You picked a good spot.”
He smirked, “I still can’t believe y’all meet at a DQ to go clubbing. That’s whack, yo.”
“Well, if you’re such an expert, Mr. Homeboy, what do you suggest?”
“I dunno. A café or something? Just not a fuckin’ ice cream shop.”
“Too bad Ginger’s not coming along tonight. She could wash your mouth out with soap.”
Nick rolled his eyes and ate more of his blizzard.
“Have you ever even been clubbing?” Lauren asked.
“I was in Europe these past 4 years, of course I have. Why isn’t Ginger coming?”
“That’s one of the benefits of being at the bottom of the publishing ladder. You get to leave right at 5, as opposed to all the upper-level people who get to stay behind and do the grunt work til 1 am.”
“Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”
She smirked, “You’d think.”
Chiara walked out onto the patio, scowling. She held up her starkiss, “Cherry.”
“What’s the point of meeting at DQ if I can’t have a starkiss? You know me. I make do.” She bit into her starkiss.
Nick snickered.
“Chiara, this is Nick. He’s Ginger’s little brother—“
“Little?” she asked incredulously, “You look tall to me.”
“She introduced us at a party awhile back,” Lauren kept talking, “Nick, like I said, this is Chiara. She has more frequent mood swings than most pregnant women.”
Chiara pretended to whap her upside the head, “You think my mood swings are bad, you should see Lauren when she’s drunk. She can go from off-the-wall happy to curled-up-on-the-floor bawling in 0 to 5 seconds.”
“Damn,” Nick commented.
“She exaggerates. Where’s the rest of the crew?” Lauren asked Chiara.
“Inside. They’ll be out soon.”
Nick’s cell started ringing. He picked it up, “Yeah? Where are you? You’re still at work? Who’s that laughing in the background then? No, whatever. Forget it. I said forget it, it’s fine,” he hung up. “Well, looks like my night’s shot.”
“Did you wanna come with us then?” Lauren asked.
He didn’t answer. Instead, he stirred his blizzard and mulled.
“Hello? Nick?”
The Present
“Nick? YO! I asked you a question,” Kevin snapped his fingers in front of Nick’s face.
“Huh, what?” Nick pushed Kevin’s hand away.
“Are you ready to go back on tour?” AJ asked.
“No. No.” Nick looked around the room in disgust, “How could you even ask me that?”
“We thought it’d take your mind off everything. Get you outta this house and back on stage.”
He shook his head, “I can’t. It’s too early for me, it’s too early for Aislyn.”
***
Lauren sat and watched as Aislyn played with her dolls.
Aislyn held one up, “Go ask your mommy if you can play.”
She held the other one up, “I can’t, she’s in heaven.”
“Where’s your daddy?”
“He doesn’t love me anymore since Mommy left.”
Lauren felt compelled to interrupt this “conversation” but thought it might be therapeutic for her.
She whispered, “Daddy loves you very much. He loves you more than anyone in this world. But he’s sad just like you are.”
Aislyn kept playing, “How’d your mommy die?”
“Cancer.”
“Maybe you could go to the doctor’s and get some of it. Then you could go to heaven with your mommy.”
“Good idea! Let’s go.”
Before Lauren knew it, Aislyn found a shovel in the garage and carried it through the house to the backyard.
As she was walking through the living room, Nick stood up, “Hey, what are you doing?”
“I need to dig a hole.”
“What for?”
“My dolly died from cancer. I have to bury her so she’ll go to heaven and see her mommy.”
Everyone else’s jaws dropped.
Nick felt his throat close up. His vision went blurry. He didn’t know how to react.
“Daddy?” Aislyn asked nervously.
He turned around and left the room.
Aislyn looked around at the remaining people in the room.
“Brian, do something! Take her to the park!” Lauren hissed.
“What did I do?” Aislyn whimpered.
“Nothing Ais,” Brian stood up. “Do you still want to go to the park?”
“Okay,” she said softly.
“Here, let’s put this stuff away and we’ll go.”
“Wait,” Jack intercepted, “We still have a lot to go over.”
“I think we’ve answered everything that needs to be answered at this point.” Kevin said, “We can schedule another meeting if need-be, but this was obviously way too early for Nick. He needs his space. We shouldn’t have expected him to bounce back, at least, not this quickly.
Jack sighed, “All right. Meeting adjourned.”
*It’s easier to run, replacing this pain with something numb. It’s so much easier to go than face all this pain here all alone.
Nick sat on the bathroom floor and leaned against the bathtub.
Lauren curled up next to him. He was crying quietly. He’d lost control in the living room and was cursing himself out for not being stronger.
Someone knocked at the door, “Nicky?”
Howie.
“Just letting you know we’re calling it a day. Is there anything you need?”
“No.”
“Brian took Aislyn to the park for awhile.”
“K.”
“Bye.”
Nick closed his eyes.
Spring 1998
“You should savor the moment for what it’s worth, Nick” Chiara told him, “Lauren’s not much of a club girl.”
Before Lauren could respond, Nick was already out on the dance floor.
“Not much for socializing, is he?” Maggie observed.
Lauren shrugged, “Whatever. We’re both taken.”
“Speaking of which, what time is Craig coming?”
“9.”
“That means we have…” Chiara checked her watch, “45 minutes to get you sloshed.”
“No,” Lauren grinned. “He’s never seen me drunk and he’s never going to. I came to burn off that starkiss.”
“Okay, but I’m getting a table and a round of shots. Be back here in 10 or I’m gonna hose you off Blondie myself.”
“You read my mind,” Lauren said sarcastically. “20.”
“15.”
“Deal.”
Lauren went out onto the crowded dance floor and started grooving. Unlike most women who thought they needed to dance with someone at all times, she was perfectly happy dancing by herself.
A few minutes later, Nick made his way over and started dancing with her. This surprised her. Even though she shouldn’t have been thinking about whether or not he was interested, by his previous vibes, she was sure he wasn’t. It was quite endearing to her that she could still attract younger men.
He took her hand and started dancing in a very homeboy-ish fashion—slow, in his own world, with both of them at arm’s length from each other.
“What do you call this?” Lauren shouted over the music to him.
Nick wrinkled his eyebrows,
“What?” he shouted back.
She pulled in closer to him, “Come on in here, homeboy.”
He pulled back out, “This is how I dance,” he called to her, as if that justified everything.
She pulled back in to him, “There should never be more than 5 inches between you and the person you’re dancing with.”
Nick laughed. Part of him liked that she was taking charge, but the rest of him felt challenged to stay on top of his game.
So when Lauren pulled the two of them closer together, he tilted her chin up so she was looking directly into his eyes.
Lauren was startled by this, but tried not to show it. Nick had the kind of eyes that made her want to dive in and swim around in, just so she could see how the world looked through those crystal blue eyes of his.
He smirked and spun her around so her back was against his chest,
“Nick-2, Lauren-1,” he whispered coyly.
She turned to face him again and went up against him so her face was by his neck. She gently blew on it, then whispered, “Let’s not keep score until we’re both single again.”
With that, she left and went over to where Chiara was sitting.
“You’re lucky we didn’t put money on that,” Chiara said as Lauren sat down, “Wonder what Craig would’ve thought.”
“Dancing is not cheating,” she downed a shot.
“So you’d be perfectly fine if Craig danced like that?”
“If he danced like I did, I’d question his sexuality.”
“I already do,” Chiara took a sip of her ice water.
“Hey, there are plenty of guys out there who listen to Matchbox 20 and site volleyball as their favorite sport.”
“Good, he’ll have someone to fall back on, literally, when you come to your senses. Speaking of which…” she pointed over to the bar and snickered.
Lauren got up and went over,
“Hey, you’re early.” She and Craig quickly kissed, then she sat down.
“Yes, the meeting was finished sooner than expected,” he smiled, “Is that Chiara’s boyfriend over there?” He pointed to Nick, who was just sitting down with the rest of the group.
“No, he’s just a friend, I guess,” Lauren replied. She didn’t really know what else to call him.
“That’s Craig,” Chiara told Nick, “How much you wanna bet she’ll stay over there for the rest of the night? Such a possessive little bastard he is.”
Nick didn’t say anything, just watched Lauren. Chiara was right. She never left his side.
By 11, Nick was the only one still sitting at the table. He didn’t know why he didn’t just leave. Watching Lauren seemed to be a more amusing activity.
Craig walked a very drunk Lauren over to him, “Hey, you’re a friend of her’s, right?”
Nick wrinkled his eyebrows, “Yeah.”
“You’re my BUDDY!” Lauren squealed, giving him two thumbs up.
Craig handed her over to him, “I have to leave. Just get her home safe and tell her I’ll call her tomorrow.”
“Okay…hey, wait!” Nick called after him when he realized what had happened.
It was too late. Craig was gone.
Nick gave Lauren a dirty look, “That’s some guy you have.”
“I know, isn’t he the GREATEST?!” Lauren giggled, then burst into tears.
“Chiara wasn’t lying,” he muttered. “How far is your place from here?”
“I don’t know!” she sobbed.
“What’s your phone number? Chiara can give me directions.”
“My phone number is your phone number, baby,” she wiped her face and smiled crookedly at him.
Nick sighed. He tried calling Ginger, but of course, she wasn’t there.
He put his arm around her and started walking her out,
“This is gonna be one long night,” he mumbled.
The Present
“We’re back!” Brian called up the stairs.
Nick got up and went down to meet them. Aislyn had already detoured to the playroom.
They both watched her for a few seconds, then Brian spoke up, “Have you thought of talking to a professional about this?”
“I haven’t noticed it until now.”
“Her perceptions of life and death are kinda…unhinged. But I wasn’t just talking about her.”
Nick groaned, “Give me a break, it’s been two weeks.”
“Yeah, and I’d be worried if you were perfectly fine right now. But I also know”
“What you know is that your wife is still alive. Your life is fucking perfect and mine is anything but. That’s”
“Whoa, calm down,” Brian tried to rationalize with him.
“DON’T tell me I need therapy! I am notcrazy!”
“No, but you’re shutting down on the rest of the world, which you PROMISED me you wouldn’t do!” Lauren told him.
“I didn’t say you were crazy, I just…” Brian trailed off when he realized Aislyn was staring at them. “Just take it easy, aight? If you need the Daisy Princess to be taken off your hands for awhile, give Leigh and I a call.”
Nick nodded, looking forlorn, “K.”
Brian patted him on the back, blew a kiss to Aislyn, then left.
Nick sat down.
Aislyn walked over to him, “Are you mad at Uncle Rok?”
“No.”
“You yelled at him.”
“I’m mad at myself. I miss Mommy.”
“Understatement of the century,” Rhapsody commented.
“Me too,” Aislyn whispered.
“I was thinking about the first time Mommy and I danced together.”
“Really?” Aislyn linked her hands over her head and spun a few pirouettes.
“Yeah, she was a beautiful ballerina, just like you. Only I didn’t know that at the time. I really didn’t know anything about her.”
Aislyn wrinkled her eyebrows, “Why not?”
“We were just friends then,” Nick explained.
“No kissing?”
“No kissing.” Nick couldn’t help but smile.
Lauren smiled too. She remembered that story as well as he did.
“What happened?” Aislyn asked.
“Mommy wasn’t feeling too good because she uh, danced too much. But can you believe it? Her boyfriend at the time just left her there!”
“Left her there?!” Aislyn was really getting into this.
“Yeah! So I took care of her instead.”
“What’d you do?”
“Oh, I remember what you did…” Lauren smirked to herself.
Spring 1998
Lauren sat up on a couch. She instantly felt dizzy, so she laid down again. She blinked. Where was she?
This definitely wasn’t her own living room. Or Craig’s. Wherever she was, she was just relieved that she was still wearing the same clothes from the night before.
“Morning,” Nick walked in, carrying a tray.
Lauren rubbed her eyes, “Nick?”
“Hi,” he set the tray down.
“Hi…what am I doing here?”
“Your ever-caring boyfriend got you plastered, then ditched you. The rest of your group had already left and I didn’t know where you lived, so I brought you here. And no, we didn’t do anything, if that’s what you’re gonna ask,” he handed her a couple aspirin and a glass of water.
“Thanks,” she took them and swallowed. “Even so, I think our significant others would be pissed to see us here together like this.”
Nick shrugged, “Mac and cheese?”
Lauren smiled, “Sure, but for breakfast?”
For the first time that day, Nick smiled back, “My kitchen’s pretty empty, sorry. I’m not around here often enough to keep it stocked.”
“Ah,” she took a bite. “So I take it you weren’t too impressed with Craig?”
Nick raised an eyebrow, “He’s a control freak. I can’t believe you don’t see that. It’s practically stamped on his forehead.”
“Well gee, nice to meet you too.”
He shrugged again, “You wanted my opinion. Shoot one back at me, if it makes you feel better.”
“Okay…well, I think your girlfriend’s cheating on you.” It was a pretty low blow, but that’s all she could think of, given last night’s phone call.
“Tell me something I don’t know,” Nick replied, without blinking an eye.
“You know she’s cheating and you don’t break up with her?”
Nick leaned forward, “I’m on the road more often than not. In fact, I’m usually on the other side of the planet.”
“I know what your job is. That doesn’t justify cheating. Nothing does.”
“I have to work twice as hard at keeping relationships than other people do because I’m never around. Writing letters and making phone calls every night doesn’t cut it anymore. I either have to be lenient or be lonely.”
“That sucks.”
“Yep.”
“I think your girlfriend could be faithful.”
“I think your boyfriend could be gay,” Nick snickered.
“I think you like putting yourself up on the pop star pedestal like that.”
“I think you’re beautiful when you get all worked up like this.”
Lauren was thrown off, “Huh?”
Nick grinned cheekily and picked up the tray,
“Nick-3, Lauren-1. We’re a lot closer to being single now than we were 24 hours ago.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He put the tray in the kitchen,
“When our friends tell us stuff about the person we’re seeing, we tune them out because we think they’re telling us the same old shit that they’ve always been telling us. But when someone we barely know tells us that, we listen because if our relationship problems are obvious enough to a perfect stranger, then we know we need to make a change. We also know 1 of 2 things: 1) people are usually too self-involved with their own lives to deal with anyone else’s, so our problems must be flashing in neon lights or 2) that person must be interested in more than just the relationship at hand, otherwise they’d’ve talked about something else by now.”
Lauren blushed, “You’re smart.”
“Well, don’t let the word get out. People do better around me when they think I’m nothing more than a dumb blonde.”
“People do better around you, or you do better around people?” Lauren asked quizzically.
He didn’t have an answer to that.
She pointed her index finger up and blew on it, “Nick-3, Lauren-2.”
The Present
Nick, of course, told the G-rated version of this story.
Aislyn, having never heard a story from her parents’ past before, was fascinated,
“Why’d you guys keep score?”
“Uh…” he didn’t want to explain flirting, “It was just a game we played because we liked each other.”
“How did you know who got points?”
“Whenever one of us outsmarted the other or said something they weren’t expecting. We liked that about each other.”
“Is that when you knew you loved Mommy?”
Nick sighed and pulled Aislyn into his lap, “I should’ve known. Daddy had to make a lot of mistakes before he realized how much he loved Mommy.”
Lauren & Rhapsody sat in the kitchen, listening.
“Well, it certainly wasn’t perfect on my end either,” Lauren admitted.
“Compared to what Nick did though…” Rhapsody shook her head and leaned back on the table.
Lauren sat on the top of the back of a chair, “I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was only the 2nd time we’d met and I was already wondering what my parents would think of him.” She shook her head, “Well…you know how girls are.”
Rhapsody smiled, “Oh, if we only knew back then what we know today.”
Lauren watched them, “I love those two so much. We were like a little team. I’d do anything to let them know I’m still watching over them.”
“Better be careful what you wish for.”
“Why?”
“I wish Mommy were here right now,” Aislyn murmured.
“Me too, kiddo,” he kissed her head, “Me too.”
Just then, the chair that Lauren had been sitting on gave out from under her.
CRASH.
Nick and Aislyn jumped up.
“What was that?” Nick demanded.
Aislyn grabbed his hand and pointed.
Nick turned around and stared in horror at the shattered chair.
“Aislyn…were you playing on that chair before?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
Nick walked over to the chair, kneeled down, and picked up a scrap of wood from it. He studied it carefully. It couldn’t have unhinged itself, not the way it was broken.
It didn’t seem possible.
“Was that Mommy?” Aislyn asked in a hushed voice.
He dropped the piece of wood on the floor and quickly backed away. He frantically whipped his head around the room, expecting to see her face pop out from somewhere.
Aislyn looked spooked, “Mommy?” she called out cautiously.
“You know what, Ais? That chair was really old, that’s why it broke. C’mon, let’s go play in your room.” He grabbed her hand and they high-tailed it to Aislyn’s bedroom, slamming the door behind them.
Rhapsody slid off the table,
“That,” she told Lauren, “is why.”
*Lyrics taken from “Easier to Run”
Written and performed by Linkin Park
Album: Meteora
